10:03 PM Mon, Dec 14, 1992

c 1992 S. St. Claire

NONEXISTENCE

Am I invisible?
I feel invisible.
An invisible person in a very visible world.
A gasp of air, a pollution creation.
I ache.
I am empty and alone,
and except for pain
I do not know that I am alive.

I reach to the world for solace
and help.
My arms are empty.
The world is bored and disbelieving.

I asked for an ear, as carefully
and as clearly as I could.
My pleading to be heard
met averted eyes
and a preoccupied face.
One sided as always...
no one is there.
Even when I ask,
I am alone,
when I most need not to be.

Is it something I have done?
I don't understand.
Why don't I matter?
Why do I cry?
Why aren't I believed?

"Don't you know that you are not here?"
"You died long ago...
an accident I think,
it isn't quite clear.
But one thing I know
the reason you don't matter is
you shouldn't be here.
Why don't you get on with your life,
or
Why don't you just die?"

And I ask myself why,
Why don't I?....