The tears start flowing,
as I feel my reactions are slowing,
this new medicine was my new expectation,
but the next seizure caused feelings of total devastation.
With each medicine change,
encouragement always seems within my range,
how can two seizure free days make me feel healed?
Sometimes the disappointment is too much to be concealed.
Always hoping to be seizure free,
anticipating new medicine to be the magic key.
How long will it take to see my possible mistaken view?
Even knowing better after many failures, this is still what I do.
Expectation is something I can't control,
the hope and belief is something radiating from my soul.
The devastation of the next seizure-filled disappointing day,
makes me realize that I have got to change my outlook in some way.
Yes, maybe tomorrow new research will discover,
the answer to the problem that will allow me to recover.
In the meantime I am still thankful for those very rare days,
that make life more joyful and pleasant, than going in and out of the haze.
Each day I will remember to never lose hope,
this is the only way I have learned to be able to cope.
But I must also remember that a new medicine is just a test,
with no guarantees, just my willingness to persevere to give my body a rest.
by: Debbie Wilson